Character Bios
Fred Glass Half Empty
Fred is cynical, has no time for small talk, secretly loves old television shows, and is always clad in his grey hoodie sweatshirt. He has two semi-imaginary duck spirit guides.
Benny Glass Half Empty
Benny is essentially Fred's opposite—perpetually enthused and unflappable. Although his friends believe that he lives a standard teenage life, he moonlights as one of the heroes of The Pancake Chronicles. He definitely never had the ability to teleport. I'm not sure where you would get that idea.
Sally Glass Half Empty
Sally is Rex's cousin, who came to visit one Festivus season and never left. She generally tries to be nice to everyone, but secretly hates Teddy. No surprise.
Travis Glass Half Empty
Travis is the most outwardly antagonistic member of the group: he'll wear a winter hat indoors, take up space in a stairwell, and even pick a fight with people over the subject of picking fights with people. No one knows what is under those sunglasses.
Rex Glass Half Empty
Rex is essentially the "Linus" to Fred's "Charlie Brown," letting him vent his frustrations and then trying to help him out with therapeutic words of wisdom. Their friendship has been slightly frayed by accusations of sock theft, and loss of straws. Rex used to wear a hat. I don't know where it went.
Arthur Glass Half Empty
Arthur joined the regular crew in college. In a perfect world, he and Fred would probably be good friends, but any possibility of this was ruined by an early misunderstanding involving a pencil.
Lisa Glass Half Empty
Lisa didn't go to high school with everyone else. Although she's friends with Sally, she and Arthur tend to keep to themselves. I like to imagine that they have their own parallel series of adventures that exist in comic strips which you'll never see.
Teddy Glass Half Empty

Teddy will forever be known as "The Generic Freshman," due to his early reputation in high school, even though he's now a senior in college. He gets nervous easily, and desperately wants to be liked by everyone else. Unfortunely, nobody does. Including me.

Mona Glass Half Empty
Mona is Teddy's little sister, one year younger than he is. She hasn't been heard from recently. I hope she's okay.
Nigel Edward Ducks Glass Half Empty
Nigel and Edward are imaginary British ducks, and assist Fred in his time of need. Or at least use him in order to watch his TV while he's gone. Nigel is the taller/skinnier one, and Edward is the shorter/fatter one.
Copyright Daniel Markowitz, 2005-2016. All Rights Reserved. For questions/comments, email danmarkowitz7 (at) gmail (dot) com