Cartoon Graveyard

A long time ago, there was a Glass Half Empty spin-off called "Defectivity," which mostly featured bad videogame references and obscure inside-jokes. They are terrible, terrible strips, and to this day, I feel terrible for making them. Years ago, I removed them from the archive and unceremoniously buried them. However, they do make the current archive look hilarious by comparison, so I'm digging them up here. None of the below cartoons are funny. You have been warned.
 
 
This was the second strip uploaded to the site way back in 2005. The comic is still in its old "setup then pause then joke"-phase, and is really bad quality because I saved it as a jpeg in MS Paint instead of as a bitmap. As for the topic at hand, the DS had just been released, and the PSP hadn't. That's basically it. And the stylus is kind of pointy.

Have you ever played "Metal Gear Solid 3"? There's a villain called The Pain who can control swarms of bees. In this cartoon, Snake (the hero) is defeating him with a can of bug spray. Let's move on.

Here's the worst comic strip I've ever made. I almost considered not even including it in the graveyard, but it's so traumatic that I think I should face it head-on and then get on with my life.

You might thing this is just an awful joke about 1337-speak, but it's worse than that: "Warble Rifle" is an inside joke that literally 2 other people on the planet understand. I hope you two guys are happy.

It's a joke about Metal Gear Ac!d, which was like Metal Gear Solid but with collectible cards. So Snake taped an "Empty Hallway" card to the camera, and it's tricking the terrorists into thinking that the hallway is empty. You can tell the guy on the right is the Terrorist Leader because his sash says so.
Remember when the Wii used to be called the Revolution? Yeah, me too. Remember when the Revolution could play DVDs? No? Well, of course not, because it never could play DVDs. If you ever time travel back to early 2005 and see me, please mention this fact and save the future from a comic which doesn't make sense. Thank you.

What does this comic mean? Maybe I was talking with someone about how Dante from "Devil May Cry" and Liquid Snake from "Metal Gear Solid" look kind of similar, I dunno. Also, Dante works in a fast-food place? I bet that I thought of "Devil May Fry" first, and worked backwards. Whatever, just be distracted by that glowy effect and let's go.

Here's the first appearance of Travis outside of the Spectator version of the strip. More Photoshop in the middle, and the joke really only works if you imagine a dramatic "whoosh"ish noise in the center panel. This is back when I was rushing to get two strips done a week. So that resulted in rather filler-ish junk like this.
Eh, this isn't that bad. Though I'm so glad that I figured out how to draw necks eventually. These characters look messed up. But wow, look at that background in the second panel! It's a wood texture!

It's Neo from The Matrix. He's in that backdoor area, and opened a door to find an Agent in a restroom. The end.

Actually, there's more weirdness going on. That agent is going to the bathroom with his pants on. Also, that bathroom is at an insane angle. It's probably dangerous to try and use that toilet. You could fall off.

Just assume that "Shadow Princess" means "Twilight Princess" and you're good to go. Other notes: Samus' left arm must have been extremely messed up for me to crop her out. And look at the crazy grey gradient! I was pretty proud.
First, the story, in case you're reading this years from 2005 and don't remember the Hot Coffee incident: in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, you could hack into the game to find a hidden sex minigame. That's the controvery. Alright, so the comic: I was really happy with this one, and then realized that it's ESRB, not ESBR. Of course, I uploaded it anyway. Interestingly, the "Rings of Power" thing is true! Look it up!
Killer 7 was a crazily surreal Gamecube game, but I enjoyed it. Metal Gear Ac!d was a crazily surreal PSP game, and I didn't like it that much. I like the little *twitch* in this comic. That is all.
 
Copyright Daniel Markowitz, 2005-2016. All Rights Reserved. For questions/comments, email danmarkowitz7 (at) gmail (dot) com